“Today you are You, that is truer than true.
There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
-Dr. Seuss
The Chinese philosophy of Tao teaches us the principle of “Te”: the virtue of being the best we can be: celebrating our uniqueness without comparing ourselves to, or imitating, others.
That’s a difficult assignment in our culture where media bombards us with photos of women who are younger/thinner/more athletic/more beautiful/wealthier/apparently happier than we are. How can we possibly compete with them?
We can’t. And that’s just the point. We don’t have to and we shouldn’t even try.
I’m not suggesting that we can’t look at others and see them as role models – if the model fits us, that is. Recently I was in a supermarket and noticed an energetic, tall and slim, younger woman standing in front of me. It’s entirely possible that I might have bemoaned my “fate” of being old, a bit heavier than I’d like, short (and getting shorter every day) and weary from a full day’s activities. Had I compared myself to her – taking into account only her youth and svelte figure – I would certainly have come out on the short end. What I did notice, however, was her vibrancy. That was something lacking in me that day. And that was a trait I could easily incorporate into my essence.
While I realized I can never be young again, nor was I ever tall and slim, I knew I am fortunate to have a body that works well and has given me years and years of fine living. In giving myself credit for what I do have, and then recognizing what was lacking that day (a kick of vibrancy), I recognized my uniqueness and felt oh, so good about myself.
Think about your strengths. Acknowledge and celebrate all within you that is good, strong, and wise. It is quite amazing that this is a chore for many of us; we’ve been “trained” to maximize our weaknesses while minimizing our assets. Its skewed thinking like this that keeps us from believing in ourselves and all of our possibilities.
Believing in ourselves requires a positive mindset, a willingness to stop comparing ourselves to others, and the ability to acknowledge our skills and be tolerant of our weaknesses.
Each of us is unique with our own special talents and abilities. Once we to recognize that we can tap into our best selves and be all we are meant to be. That’s when we truly live the principle of Te.
Years ago when I facilitated a children’s grief groups we would meet for six weeks and during those six weeks the children really got to know each other – their loss and pain and it became such a wonderful bonding of young people from across the city with a common factor – loss of a loved one. One of the exercises I had the children do was to write something nice about each other, starting with themselves and then pass the paper around for others to sign. I remember one young man couldn’t get started because he couldn’t think of one good thing about himself. The other kids just looked at him in amazement and took his paper and each of them wrote something good about him. He sat with tears in his eyes when he got the paper back because he was never told anything good about himself and so he couldn’t see his own goodness either. So very sad that children can grow up and never see goodness in themselves – even through the eyes of those who live with them.
And then these children who grow into adults who still are unable to see the good within.
It reminds me of an exercise I do frequently with clients-I ask them to make a list of 20 things they like about themselves. Most women groan at the idea, insisting they can only think of three or four. BUT when I ask them to make a list of things they don’t like, they embrace that idea easily!!
We need to be mindful just how vulnerable we are to those negative cultural messages which only work to distort our true beauty, true value and strength.
And, Donna, when I do this exercise with teen girls they say, “It’s not nice to say good things about myself. That makes me sound egotistic.” Those negative cultural messages start so young – it’s painful to see.